3 Ways to Make the Most of Suffering

America presents happiness as the chief goal in life. “You only live once,” so pursue happiness above all else. But how does this mindset help you through life’s inevitable tough times?

In today’s post, I offer some insights from my own experiences to make the most of suffering. What good, if any, can come from human suffering? How do you prevent suffering from making you worse as a person? Where can you find the relief you seek? I pray the following helps you as it has myself.

1. See it as an opportunity to grow as a person

Many people believe the existence of suffering disproves the existence of God. They reason, as Tim Keller summarized in his book The Reason for God, “If a good and powerful God exists, he would not allow pointless evil, but because there is much unjustifiable, pointless evil in the world, the traditional good and powerful God could not exist. Some other god or no god may exist, but not the traditional God” (p. 23). However, this position assumes “if evil appears pointless to me, then it must be pointless.” It is shortsighted and arrogant.

God’s viewpoint is higher than yours. He sees what you can’t and accomplishes his will in your life in ways that oftentimes seem to not make sense. Indeed, suffering in itself is bad. It was not God’s intent when he created the world. But one of the ways he seeks to make you more like himself now is through suffering.

James 1:2-4 reads “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

First, suffering reveals if your faith is real. Was the seed of the gospel planted in the rocky soil of your heart, causing you to lose your faith because of troubles or suffering (see Matthew 13:18-23)? I was trained to be a college professor. I worked 10 years to that end, if you include my undergraduate studies. But after graduation, the only door that opened for me was a leadership role in Student Affairs at Cornell University. It did not make sense, and this trauma caused me to question my faith. But the Holy Spirit responded with 1 Peter 4:12-13, 19:

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world…So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.

I returned to this passage often and its wisdom helped me through my suffering. It also strengthened my faith.

Next, suffering can turn you into a mature person, useful for every good work in the lives of others. Keller noted in his sermon A Society of Suffering:

Suffering equips you to be a good father or mother, good husband or wife, good man or woman. It equips you to understand yourself. Therefore, making good decisions about yourself—to know your own limitations. It equips you to make good decisions, period, because you know how things work—the times and the seasons, you know how the human heart works. Suffering equips you to do everything that you do much better.

I grew up in a single-parent, low-income household. Aleasha grew up with both her parents, but they still struggled with their finances. So, neither of us were taught financial literacy. We were oblivious to the negative impact of debt and its ability to take away from one’s quality of life. For this reason, we took out student loans to finance our education. While in school, it felt like the day would never come to repay our loans. And when it did, things would not be that bad because we’d have real jobs then. But the uppercut of debt hit me hard when that day finally arrived. In turn, I struggled with interacting positively with my wife and kids. Fortunately, God used my suffering to reveal my excessive desires and ungratefulness, which made me a better husband, father, and all-around man.

2. Identify and address your excessive desires

Suffering can make you a better person, but there is also the possibility of it making you worse. It could make you more self-absorbed and unable to have relationships because you’re too focused on your own problems. The difference in suffering making you better or worse is what you do with your desires. James 1:5-8 reads:

If you need wisdom [to get through suffering], ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Divided loyalty refers to idols. What have you really built your life on? Who do you really turn to for significance and security, safety and fulfillment?

In his book Counterfeit gods, Keller shares several ways to identify your idols. One way is to

Look at your most uncontrollable emotions. Just as a fisherman looking for fish knows to go where the water is roiling, look for your idols at the bottom of your most painful emotions, especially those that never seem to lift and that drive you to do things you know are wrong. If you are angry, ask “Is there something here too important to me, something I must have at all costs?” Do the same thing with strong fear or despair and guilt. Ask yourself, “Am I so scared, because something in my life is being threatened that I think is a necessity when it is not? Am I so down on myself because I have lost or failed at something that I think is a necessity when it is not?” If you are overworking, driving yourself into the ground with frantic activity, ask yourself, “Do I feel that I must have this thing to be fulfilled and significant?” When you ask questions like that, when you “pull your emotions up by the roots,” as it were, you will often find your idols clinging to them. (p. 169-170).

I struggled with strong anger, fear, and despair having first failed at becoming a college professor and then needing to climb out of a massive amount of student loan debt. I thought I needed to reach the top of my profession to feel significant and secure. I also thought I needed to be debt-free to feel safe and fulfilled. I asked God “Why have me go to school all those years?” It doesn’t make sense. In terms of the debt, my marriage suffered partly as I blamed Aleasha for her larger portion of our student loans. And I resented our kids because they threatened what I perceived to be “the good life,” given we needed to put a large portion of our money towards childcare instead of towards our student loans. Fortunately, God has done a great work in me, using my suffering to reveal my excessive desires and restoring my relationship with those I love.

3. Look to Christ instead of your sin for comfort

Your excessive desires or idols can tempt you and lead you to do what you know is wrong. James 1:12-15 reads

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own [excessive] desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

Suffering can drive you to do addictive things to feel better. Instead of looking to Christ for relief, you turn to your sin. Your attitude is “God won’t, but this will,” as pastor Ryan Bramlett put it in his sermon Let’s talk about it: Addiction.

These addictive things usually come in the form of pleasures, possessions, or pride. 1 John 2:15-17 reads:

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

I was introduced to pornography at 11 years old through friends I met at the Boys & Girls Club. At first, it was something I engaged in simply for pleasure. But after becoming addicted, I also used it to help myself feel better when going through a tough time because of my idols. In other words, it became my source for comfort. However, the satisfaction this world provides is fleeting. You hear in your thoughts “This time will be different. This time, it will satisfy fully.” But it never does.

Note too that your addictive thing doesn’t have to be inherently bad, like porn. The human heart tends to elevate good things into ultimate things in an attempt to satisfy us. Food is one example. In this case, “the savory becomes your savior,” as Bramlett said. But only Jesus can provide the deep satisfaction and healing you seek when suffering. He does this through his Spirit, his people, and his Word.

Conclusion

According to Tim Keller, America is the worst at preparing its members for suffering because it’s the only that teaches there’s no life beyond the physical. When you die, that’s it. From this perspective, little good can come from human suffering. But from a biblical perspective, God uses suffering to make you a better person—to be more like Christ so you are useful for every good work. One thing that will prevent you from becoming better and not bitter, however, is your excessive desires or idols. When you want something or someone more than God, it can make you miserable and unloving. So, examine yourself to see if you really built your life on Jesus. Are you really leaning on him for your significance and security or safety and fulfillment? Left unchecked, your idols can first tempt you during your time of suffering then lead you to do what you know is wrong to medicate your pain. But if you want to get the most of suffering, do not turn away from God in this time. Instead, turn to him through continuing to go to church, reading the Bible, praying, serving, and spending time with other believers. If you hold onto Jesus during your suffering, he will eventually turn you to gold.